PALESTINE — QUESTION: I am a stay-at-home mother of three. My children are 12, 8, and 4. I feel like I run around like a maniac all day long, taking care of everybody's needs, but it doesn't seem that anyone is interested in my needs — including my husband. I feel trapped, alone, and unappreciated. Somehow along the way, I seem to have lost myself. I am tempted to leave my family and move to another city, but I know that is not right. I would like to get back to feelings of peace and fulfillment, but I don't know how.

ANSWER: It's okay to have boundaries, even if you're a stay-at-home wife and mother. And it sounds like you have few, if any. Your gateway to peace and fulfillment lies in open communication and healthy boundaries.

First, communicate with your Heavenly Father. Start out each day with a quiet time. Even 15 minutes of prayer and Bible reading will make a difference in your spirit and your outlook on each day. Start with Proverbs and read a chapter a day. This book is a wonderful collection of wisdom that transcends time. Ask God to give you insight to see where you need to establish healthy boundaries, and the strength to erect them.

Second, communicate with your husband. Tell him that you are feeling trapped, alone, and unappreciated. If he doesn't seem to get it, then ask him to stay home with the children several Saturdays in a row while you volunteer in the community. After two to three times, he should understand. Once he does understand, the two of you need to work together to create a schedule that allows you some free time just for you-and some couple time for the two of you.

Third, communicate with your kids. Explain to them that they need to be responsible for everything in their lives that is reasonable for their ages. For instance, your 12- and 8-year-olds should be able to wash their own dishes as they use them, or at least rinse them and place them in the dishwasher. Your 4-year-old should be able to put his dirty clothes in the hamper. Too many times, mothers insist on doing too much for kids who can easily take responsibility for many areas of their lives. Once you establish responsibility boundaries with your children, come alongside them and enforce the new patterns of behavior. Telling them once and then yelling at them or repeatedly warning them with empty consequences is no way to train them to be responsible. Remember, any time any person in any relationship takes on the responsibilities another person should be bearing, that person will feel she has lost part of herself.

For many families the word MOM is another word for SLAVE. However, this only has to be the case if the mom allows it to be. You can change these patterns of behavior by changing your behavior and enforcing boundaries. Being a stay-at-home mom can be the joy of your life. Remember the Proverbs 31 woman, from the Old Testament? While the Proverbs 31 woman has a career, she is also a productive stay-at-home wife and mom who thrives in her home. However, she is proactive in how she manages her life and her world. Remember, God has called you to manage your household, not let your household manage you!

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The author of 54 books, Debra White Smith holds an M.A. from U.T. and is the featured relationship specialist on the Fox News Radio Show, “Plain Jane Wisdom.” She and her husband, Daniel, co-pastor Palestine Church of the Nazarene. For more information, visit www.debrawhitesmith.com. Got a problem? E-mail Debra at askdebra@live.com