ASK DEBRA: A Time for Everything

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July 1, 2012

ASK DEBRA: A Time for Everything

By DEBRA WHITE SMITH Palestine Herald-Press The Palestine Herald-Press Sun Jul 01, 2012, 12:11 AM CDT

QUESTION: I am in a bad situation and don't know what to do. I have read your articles on putting boundaries on negative relationships. What you have said makes sense, but I also know that Christ taught us to turn the other cheek, put others before ourselves, and be a servant.. How do I know when to place boundaries on a bad situation and when to turn the other cheek?

ANSWER: First, identify the nature of the situation. Is the relationship entrenched in a pattern of verbal, physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual abuse? Once you talk to the abuser, is he or she able to recognize the wrong being done to you? And is he or she willing to stop?

If you answer yes to the first question and no to either or both of the last two questions, then I recommend putting firm boundaries on the situation that will stop the abuse. Ask the Lord to show you what those boundaries need to be in order to stop you from participating in the abuser's sin. As long as you allow the abuse to continue unchecked, then you are enabling the abuse and are doing nothing to further the abuser's deliverance.

If you answer no to the first question, and the situation does not manifest a pattern of abuse, then I recommend turning the other cheek and prayerfully waiting for God's direction on handling the situation long-term.

One of my favorite passages that can be considered in regard to these type issues is found in Ecclesiates 3:1, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven” (NLT). Remember, Christ overturned the tables on abusers but also washed the feet of Judas, his chief betrayer. Therefore, it's not healthy for us as His followers to fall into a knee-jerk reaction to every negative situation or to live by rote answers that do little to address core issues. The wiser approach involves bringing each situation before the Lord and praying for His guidance. These steps will empower you to fulfill another of my favorite verses, “He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8 NKJV).

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